THE ROOT OF JOY IS GRATEFULNESS
“The root of joy is gratefulness,” writes Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast, “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” I’ve always found this a helpful way to understand how gratitude and thankfulness work in our lives. More typically, we reverse this relationship. We think it’s the good things in our lives that make us thankful. Steindl-Rast, on the other hand, suggests that it’s an attitude of thankfulness that permits us to see the good things that we can otherwise easily overlook.
Approaching each day with a spirit of gratitude enables us to notice the small encounters and events that give life its joy or meaning. When we overlook these moments, it’s easy to think back over our day and grumble that nothing good happened, that everything is bad or sour or boring. When we cultivate a spirit of thankfulness, over time we strengthen our ability to notice the quiet, simple moments of goodness in our lives – the bus showing up on time, the stranger holding the door for us, the sun shining through the window when we wake up in, the smell of coffee or tea, the phone call or card that we didn’t expect, the store clerk who was exceptionally helpful or efficient.
As we begin to practice more intentionally a spirit of gratitude, we gradually create a web of well-being around us. When we strengthen this muscle of gratitude, we also build our capacity to better cope with difficult or challenging times. We have a bigger perspective on our lives that allows us to acknowledge that while bad things happen, although feelings are sometimes hurt or we don’t get what we were hoping for, that’s not the whole story of our lives. We can affirm that, all in all, life is good and has elements that make it worth living. Gratitude thus builds our resilience to bounce back during hard times.
Gratitude and thankfulness also contribute to our lives in a third way. We are usually thankful for something that has its origins outside ourselves: A moment when the natural world breaks through our jaded senses and we are overwhelmed by its beauty or power, a piece of music that suddenly connects with our deepest feelings, an unexpected word of encouragement or appreciation, an unanticipated act of kindness by a stranger. Gratitude recognizes that the sources of life’s goodness most often come from outside ourselves. Gratitude draws us out of our self-preoccupation and reminds us of the web of relationships from which we draw life’s deepest joy.
As we approach Thanksgiving, you might take one day and simply notice when and why you say “thank you.” Is it a hasty aside? an afterthought? How are you feeling when you express thanks these moments? Stressed? A little absent-minded? Is your “thanks” heart-felt? For what kinds of people or happenings do you say “thanks?” What are times when you could say “thanks” but don’t? What is happening in your thoughts or feelings in those moments? Finally ask yourself what does your self-inventory say about the place gratitude plays in your daily life?
Then, pick one interaction each day when your instinctive response is to say a superficial “thanks”; and stop for a moment before you speak. Take note of what’s happening in you and in the situation. Can you name what you feel grateful for? Even beyond the gesture that’s been extended to you ? Then say “thanks” but let it arise from a deeper place within you.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Pastor Thomas